Friends, Lovers or Nothing…

HI JESS,

I’VE BEEN DOING SOME SOUL SEARCHING. I’M REALIZING THAT NO MATTER WHAT I DO, YOU ARE NEVER GONNA GIVE ME A CHANCE TO BE MORE TO YOU. I STILL DON’T GET WHY THAT IS, BUT I’M TIRED OF TRYING. AND MORE OVER, I’M TIRED OF PRETENDING THAT WE ARE FRIENDS. I TOLD YOU I LOVE YOU AND I MEANT IT. I TOLD YOU I’D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU AND I THINK I PROVED THAT. DOESN’T SEEM LIKE ITS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. DAVID IS WHATS GOOD FOR YOU AND KNOWING THAT IS NOT GOOD FOR ME. PRETENDING LIKE I CARE ABOUT HOW HE FITS INTO YOUR LIFE IS NOT FAIR TO BOTH OF US. YOU SAY HE’S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND, BUT IT IS HIS ARMS YOU END UP IN. I FEEL LIKE I’M A PLACE HOLDER WHEN HE IS NOT THERE. I DON’T LIKE THE FEELING. YOU CAN TRIVIALIZE HOWEVER YOU LIKE, BUT YOU CAN’T DENY WE HAVE HISTORY. I DON’T THINK THAT AFTER ALL THIS TIME; WE WERE PUT TOGETHER, NOT TO BE TOGETHER. I GUESS WE’LL NEVER KNOW AS YOU DECIDED FOR BOTH OF US; IT’S NOT SOMETHING WE SHOULD EXPLORE.

FRIENDS ARE WHAT YOU SAY WE ARE. HOW IS THAT? YOU IGNOR THINGS I SAY OR YOU TELL ME NOT TO SAY THEM. YOU TRIVIALIZE MY FEELINGS. YOU EXPECT ME TO BE OK WITH STUFF; I’VE TOLD YOU I’M NOT. THEN YOU SAY I DO THE SAME THING, BUT I CAN EXPLAIN MY REASONS AND YOU NEVER DO. YOUR ANSWERS ARE VAGUE AND ABASIVE. YOU MANIPUALATE SITUATIONS, YET YOU SAY YOU’RE NOT THAT GIRL ANYMORE. YOU’RE STILL THAT GIRL. YOU MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY FEELINGS… WHO DOES THAT TO A FRIEND? ASK YOURSELF, IN ALL THE YEARS, HAVE I EVER WAVERED IN THIS RELATIONSHIP? YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FREE WITH ME AND I’M SURE YOU FEEL SAFE WITH ME. I NEVER NEEDED TO LIE, NO PRETENSE TO BE HAD. MY FEELINGS ARE NOT BASED ON OUR SEXUAL PAST, AS I’M THE ONE WHO SAID, IT’S NOT SOMETHING WE HAVE TO DO EVERYTIME WE SEE EACH OTHER. I SAW THE PROTENIAL TO HAVE SOMETHING MEANINGFULL, SOMETHING BETTER.

MOVING FORWARD IS WHAT I’M LOOKING TO DO. RIGHT NOW, I FEEL LIKE ALL I DO IS JUMP THRU HOOPS AND RUN IN CIRCLES WITH YOU. TELL ME ALL OF THIS IS BUILDING TO SOMETHING. I GIVE SO MUCH OF ME TO YOU AND YOU GIVE YOURSELF TO ANOTHER. I CAN’T DO IT; I DON’T WANNA DEAL WITH IT. GIVE ME A REAL REASON TO BE IN YOUR LIFE. DON’T SAY WE’RE FRIENDS, BECAUSE WHEN YOU SAY THAT, IT FEELS EMPTY TO ME. HOW YOU RESPOND TO THIS WILL CERTAINLY GIVE ME MY ANSWER. AND IF IS NOT THE ANSWER I’M LOOKING FOR, I’LL LEAVE YOU ALONE. I LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO DO THAT.

JAMES

3 thoughts on “Friends, Lovers or Nothing…”

  1. Breakups are so heartbreaking! Wishing you the best in whatever comes next in your life! I was browsing through the circles topic in my reader when I came across your story. Because I drew some circles for people to colour in. It is apparently quite good stress relief, and can be quite soothing. Would you like to have a go?

    ~WilderSoul

    Like

      1. Come on over then, there are tonnes of circles at the start, and if you scroll down, there is a bit more variety. Feel free to explore, and please do make yourself at home 🙂

        Like

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