Notes on My Scandal

It’s always interesting to me how people seem to know more about me than me. With that thought in mind, I figured I’d enlighten you all on my scandalous life. First off, I’m not Black, I’m Russian. Yes it is true. I am a vampire by night and an umpire in the off season. It was my shoe obsession that caused the recession. I cast the vote that cause Al Gore to lose the election. I invented the internet. I’ve slept with just about everyone I know. I know lots of famous people. Madonna stole my virginity for her tour, but we didn’t have sex. I kept my virginity in a bottle next to my bed. I invented sex. I’m really Trey Songz. I hide fugitives under my shirt. I turned the girls of “True Blood” bi-sexual. I write Eminem’s lyrics. I dated Beyonce. I’m Monica’s baby daddy. My penis is bionic. I can out “Chuck Norris” Chuck Norris. I like the #1 5 times. He was my September’s Song. I’m a superhero. I shot JR. Richard Nixon is my dad. I think Uggs are kool. I love it when you call me Big Papa. I was in the first “Star Wars” which is really the forth one. I had sex in the Oval Office. I could keep going but something’s are just secret. Lol

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