I am damaged! That is exactly how I feel. In my life, I’ve had some great highs and felt so low. Through it all, I’m still searching for my place, purpose and peace. So, damaged is what it is more or less. How you ask? Well, I wasn’t dropped at birth or anything like that. Physically, my body functions well for the most part. Emotionally, that is where the problems lie. It was physicals acts that damaged me emotionally.
He groomed me. He treated me well. He raped me! That’s what he did and I let him. It didn’t happen once, but over and over for years. Why did he pick me? What did I do to cause it? Why didn’t I tell someone? These questions play in my head constantly.
For seven years, I was a victim of sexual abuse. It haunts me to this day. I was left feeling hurt, alone and ashamed. It has been more than 30 years and I still feel the pain. I’m still dealing with its side effects. It creeps into my relationships. I’m often guarded for fear of being violated again.It was a long time before I could admit this; much less say it out loud. I’ve told lots of people, but I’ve never told my mother. A six year old should not be having sex. A six year old doesn’t even understand what sex is. I didn’t know. Although I‘ve faced up to this much, I am not ready to reveal the identity of my abuser.